This Chrisitian Song Might Be the Best Argument for Gay Marriage

Broken Together

So there’s this song by the Christian band Casting Crowns, it’s a about a marriage and the couple in it going through struggles, finding that marriage isn’t a “Fairytale dream”. Below is the song and the lyrics; I bolded the part that really stood out to me.

What do you think about when you look at me
I know were not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery

How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night

Its going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds

Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together

If you can bring your shattered dreams and Ill bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we’ll last forever is broken together

Never Meant To Be Complete

One of the main dissenting opinions Christians have of gay marriage centers around the idea that a man and woman are the ideal partners God put together. Anything else is a false image of a true marriage where a man and woman find their wholeness in God and each other.

While this sounds appealing, right here in this song is revealed a truer nature of marriage; two broken people coming together and loving each other in their brokenness:

“Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together”

While here on earth, none of us will ever be perfect, so maybe we aren’t “meant to be complete” as the classic narrative seems to tell us. We are coming together and choosing to love one another, and through that relationship we find joy and strength; a reflection of how God embraces us in His love even though we are complicated and broken.

A common misconception many Christians have of gay people is that a homosexual couple can’t really love like a heterosexual couple can love; gay love is twisted and broken and therefore wrong (or really just lust).

Got it

Yet here in this song we are reminded that nobody is perfect, no (human) love is perfect, “The only way we’ll last forever is broken together”. So if no marriage can be perfect, why do we have all this argument about what an ideal marriage is? If someone thinks their straight marriage is fundamentally better than a gay one, are they really focusing on the right things? Can they measure love?

I am not married, so I can’t fully speak to all the intricacy of marriage, but I do know that I want a marriage, I want to find a partner to build a life with, to be dedicated to, and to bring good things into this world.

Marriage is not perfect sacredness, it is a broken sacredness that every couple lives out daily.

Can gay people like me come together in their brokenness? Can they choose to love like the couple in this song? I think that they can love, and they can be beautifully “broken together”, working through the difficult times of choosing to love even when everything feels off. Just like what happens in any other marriage.

Marriage is not perfect sacredness, it is a broken sacredness that every couple lives out daily.

Lust or Love?

Oliver Sacks, well known neurologist and professor, is a gay man. Over the years after a number of heartbreaks, he gave up on finding a partner. He was content just doing what he loved and that was enough. In his new book he explains that at 75 he met a man named Bill and they developed a friendship that grew into more, while Sacks was in the hospital from some injuries, Bill came to visit him.

Oliver Sacks Photograph: Nicholas Naylor-Leland
Oliver Sacks Photograph: Nicholas Naylor-Leland
From Sack’s book:

“He came to see me and (in the serious, careful way he has) said, “I have conceived a deep love for you.” I realized, when he said this, what I had not realized, or had concealed from myself before — that I had conceived a deep love for him too — and my eyes filled with tears. He kissed me, and then he was gone.”

“There was an intense emotionality at this time: music I loved, or the long golden sunlight of late afternoon, would set me weeping. I was not sure what I was weeping for, but I would feel an intense sense of love, death, and transience, inseparably mixed.”

Does that sound like banal lust? Like Sacks is just giving in to his desires and hurting himself?

It certainly doesn’t to me, and those who don’t believe gay love is equal to straight love have to wrestle countless stories like this.

While marriage can be hard it is also wonderful and rewarding. Marriage is not life completion for perfect people. Marriage is for the broken and redeemed, the hurting and the healed, “Broken Together” brings this out, and that’s why this beautiful song is one of the best arguments for gay marriage.

*Folks sometimes bring up the idea that marriage is for procreation and raising kids. LGB people can have kids too. Gay folk can have kids through adoption, surrogates, or previous marriages. Check out the two dads who have adopted and currently raise 12 children.

*If you have a story to share about a gay, straight, or even mixed marriage, please share with a comment!

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